Ladybugs

The ladybugs were an impulse buy at the feed store the other day.  I have nothing to say except I just really love this picture of Eden setting them free.

Eden - Sixteen Months and Our Weekend in Dallas

As I mentioned in my last post, we definitely have hard moments and days around here. But we also have good moments and days.  Like when she kisses me and cuddles with me and we read books together and go on wagon rides.  And the good days make the bad days worth it.  The good days actually make me forget that the bad days exist until we have another one, and I'm like, "oh yeahhh....".

Thirteen and fourteen months were the really, really hard ones for me, but I think we're gradually working our way back up hill.  It definitely helps that my Baby Girl is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT almost every single night now.  I'm sure a lot of my frustration a few months ago came because she wasn't sleeping at night, she wasn't napping during the day, but she was tired, which made her cranky, which made me cranky.  But now... she puts herself to sleep at night and sleeps all night AND takes about an hour and a half nap every afternoon.  She's been doing all of this for a few weeks now, and I still can't believe it.  I didn't think this day would ever come!  I stopped sleeping somewhere around the second trimester of my pregnancy so these past weeks have been the first time in over a year and a half that I've gotten to sleep for longer than four hours at a time!  I forgot what it was like to actually get to sleep!  Thank you, Eden!  Thank you, Eden!  Thank you, Eden!

Also, Eden is now old enough that I can get all the chores done around the house with her "helping me"  whereas before I had to try and get everything done during her ten minute naps (um, impossible) or while holding her because she wanted me to hold her pretty much all day long (not impossible, but very difficult).  Now in the mornings, I tell her to put out the dog bowls, and she runs and gets them and sets them out and takes handfuls of dog food out of the bag and puts it in the bowls for the dogs.  She sits on the dryer and throws the dirty clothes from the basket into the washing machine and she stands in front of the dryer and puts the wet clothes into it when I hand them to her from the washing machine.  Oh, and she loves, loves, LOVES to throw away trash so any time I have something that needs to be thrown away, I hand it to her, say "trash", and she runs and puts it in the trashcan.  I think throwing away trash is her favorite hobby, and about one thousand times a day she picks up a crumb or a piece of fuzz or SOMETIMES she just PRETENDS that she has picked something up, and she shouts, "YUCK!" (she also shouts "YUCK!" anytime she sees a diaper), and I ask her if she wants to throw it away and off she goes to the trashcan.  After she throws something away, she always claps for herself too.  At the park a few weekends ago, Eden decided to take it upon herself to clean up and started throwing away acorns and leaves.

I'm pretttyyyy sure that she won't always think feeding the dogs and doing the laundry and throwing away trash will be super fun, so you can bet that I'm taking advantage of it right now!

Eden is continuing to learn more and more words which obviously makes life easier because I don't have to play as many guessing games with her.  Her big ones are: she knows pretty much all the (main) animals, she can point to her body parts when you tell her to (belly button being the cutest, of course), and she can let me know when she wants ice (she loves eating ice) or wants to swing or wants to read a book.  She's starting to understand me too so she runs to the bathtub when I say it's time to take a bath, and she runs to the back door when I ask her if she wants to go outside.

And I think the very best thing in the entire world is when I go get her from her crib after Dustin goes to work in the mornings and put her into bed with me, and she snuggles up to me while she sleeps.

So see?  She's good too!  She's so, so good.

*****

This past weekend my brother graduated from SMU, my friend, Kate, who lives in (by) Dallas, had a birthday and Dustin had to do some work stuff in Dallas.  It was pretty perfect that all these things were happening at the same time, so on Friday morning we headed up north.  As soon as we got to Dallas, Dustin got picked up from the hotel to go to some work thing, so Eden and I had the day to ourselves.  We hung out at the hotel pool for the majority of the day.  It was Eden's first time this year to go swimming.  She loved the pool last year, but I was wondering if after the winter she might be afraid of the water at first.  NOPE!  She would run and jump off the side into my arms.  Actually this is what she would try to do after seeing another kid doing it, but in Eden's case she would just walk really, really fast until she ran out of ground and just kinda fell into the pool.

That evening when we got back to the room, I put Eden to bed and then took a shower in the big fancy shower, wrapped up in the big fancy robe and ordered a steak and cookies and milk from room service.  I was a happy, happy girl.  I LOVE hotels.  I seriously want to LIVE in a hotel Elouise-style!

The next morning we went to Marshall's graduation, and it was HOT!  By the end of it, Eden's cheeks were bright red and her hair was matted to her head with sweat.  But I'm so glad we went.

Then we headed to Kate's house, and that evening we went out to dinner for her birthday.

The next day, Sunday, Dustin had to go meet up with some more customers for work, so Kate and I took Eden to the Fort Worth Zoo.  We love Kate.  We love Kate so much.  Because even though we were there for HER birthday, when we walked in her door on Saturday, she had a pile of new clothes waiting for Eden, and when we went to the zoo, she insisted on buying our way in.  She's pretty awesome like that.

I took Eden to the zoo for the first time back in March, and it's amazing how much of a difference two months makes!  She had fun the first time, but she had a BLAST this time!  She got to feed some birds (she said "fly, fly, fly" a lot during this experience) and boy, oh boy did she love the white tigers.  There was a white tiger walking the length of a window that I put Eden on.  It was just walking back and forth and back and forth, and every time it came by Eden she would shriek in delight.  It was so funny to watch.

We headed home Sunday afternoon after a wonderful weekend.  I hope this past weekend is a preview of a wonderful summer to come.

Yellow Flowers

The bluebonnets have pretty much disappeared for the year, but in their place, my front pasture is covered in pretty yellow flowers.  So we had a little photo shoot this morning.

On My Mind

Well after weeks of bipolar weather, I'm pretty sure spring/summer/warm weather is here to stay.  YAY!  FINALLY!

I dressed Eden like this on May 3rd:

Seriously ridiculous.  About two seconds after I snapped that picture, I grabbed her and ran back inside where my heater was blasting.  It's amazing how the same weather I describe as glorious in October, I describe as miserable in May.  When April and May hit, my brain is focused on warm weather activities, and I don't cope well when I don't get them.

Since that day though, we've had plenty of beautiful, sunny days.  Last weekend I met up with some friends and their kids and took Eden to Maifest.  It was my first time to go as well, but I'm pretty sure we're going to make it an annual tradition.  It started with a parade that morning, and then finished at a park with a carousel, bouncy houses, craft booths, carnival food and my favorite part - paying six bucks for a wristband that got you ALL YOU CAN EAT BLUE BELL ICE CREAM!  It was such a fun day.

 Eden liked the horses in the parade best.

The next day we had a few friends over for a Cinco de Mayo party.  Dustin made fajitas, I made tres leches cake, and one of our friends brought a pinata for the kids.  Eden was pretty much terrified of the pinata when I attempted to get her to hit it, but she happily scooped up candy after it was busted.

fortunately she was most excited to just hand the candy to Dustin since she's not allowed to eat it yet

Last week I bought Eden a set of golf clubs so that she can participate with me and Dustin in the evenings when we hit golf balls in the backyard.



Yesterday for Mother's Day, I had a nice, relaxing day.  Dustin took over the majority of the chores for the day, I took a nap on the couch when Eden napped, and for dinner Dustin cooked me a wonderful meal of steak, roasted corn and green beans, baked potatoes, garlic bread and a strawberry cake.  Dustin always cooks me wonderful meals though.  My uncle called me last night to wish me a happy Mother's Day, and I told him about the meal Dustin made me.  He said, "Dustin always does that!  So it was just a usual Sunday night then?"  Ha.  I'm so blessed to have married somebody who LOVES to cook for me.

 she's bringing me my card

best strawberry cake I've ever seen

In honor of Mother's Day yesterday, my Facebook newsfeed was full of quotes about motherhood of course.  Most were inspiring.  A few bothered me pissed me off.  I saw one that said stay-at-home moms should never complain about being busy because we obviously don't understand what busy means.  Another one claimed that you were a Super Mom if you also had a job to handle.  The last one I saw said something along the lines of, "I shop, cook, clean, raise kids and have a job - I'm a REAL housewife."  Things like this mainly piss me off because if I were to ever claim the opposite - that you are somehow a superior mom if you ONLY stay at home, I would be attacked.

I would never judge anybody for working.  So why do I always feel judged for staying home?  Back before Eden was even born, I had so many people want to know when I was planning on going back to work.  BEFORE SHE WAS BORN!  A few people reacted as if I said I was planning on murdering my baby when I told them I had no plans to go back to work after she was born.  One girl couldn't get over it.  "But WHY?!  WHAT WILL YOU DO?", she seriously yelled at me.  Um... take care of my kid?

This is what works for us.  I have no idea what the future holds for me.  But right now, I am staying home with Eden.  I enjoy staying home with Eden, and I'm very blessed that it is possible for me to do so.  I realize that not everybody CAN stay home, I realize that not everybody WANTS to stay home.  Fine.  People should do whatever WORKS FOR THEM, whatever MAKES THEM HAPPY.  At the end of the day, aren't we all just doing the best we can for our kids?  If the answer is yes, well then that should be all that matters.

Her new shoes squeak when she walks.  I love it.  Dustin hates it.

Okay, so me as a mom right now...  here comes some honesty.

When Eden was born, I was a complete natural.  I had never really been around babies much before, but it didn't matter... diapers, breastfeeding, handling her... I could do it all.  I never worried, I was never nervous. At the time, my grandmother, mom and step-mom all told me how amazed they were at how comfortable I seemed as a new mom.  And I was.  I rocked that first year.  That year, of course, had it's difficulties.  I mean, obviously life dramatically changes when you have a baby, and Dustin and I had to figure out life with a baby.  There were definitely hard months when she just. wouldn't. sleep.  But for the most part, I seriously rocked that first year.  I had everything under control, I could always make her happy, I knew what she needed, etc.  We never had any major hiccups.

I'm not really rocking it right now.  

Eden knows what she wants these days.  Only she can't always tell me what she wants.  She points to something and says a word that I can't identify.  So I start frantically guessing.  "You want your water?"  She shakes her head.  "You want Lovey (her security blanket)?"  She shakes her head.  "You want to play with the blocks?"  She shakes her head.  She says the word again.  She's getting impatient.  "You want me to read a book to you?"  She shakes her head.  "You want to sit on mama's lap?"  She shakes her head.  "You want a cheerio?"  She shakes her head.  Now she's mad.  She starts to cry.  I'm still at a loss.  We have lots of days like this.

There are times that she is just downright defiant.  She KNOWS what the word "no" means.  But sometimes she just wants to test me.  She'll start to do something she's not supposed to.  I'll say "No!".  She gives me a little smirk and continues to do it.  I repeat, "Eden, NO MA'AM!"  She grins and keeps doing it.  I slap her little hand.  She stops doing it, and then I lay in bed at night worried that I am somehow doing psychological damage to my child because I slapped her hand.  I'm serious.  I lay in bed and worry that I give her too much attention and she'll be a spoiled brat.  Or I lay in bed and worry that I didn't give her ENOUGH attention during dinnertime and she'll think she's not important to me.  It really doesn't matter what I do these days - I will somehow find a way to worry about it.  I can somehow accidentally stumble across an article (just kidding - I googled something insane like "psychological damage in one year olds") that tells me all about how this is such an important time in your child's life as they're learning what the world is like and blah, blah, blah, and I panic because what if I'm doing it all wrong and she's messed up for life?  I repeat - I worry about everything little thing at this age.

I feel like she's at a between stage right now... She's not a baby, but she's not really a toddler yet.  She is no longer interested in most of her baby toys, but all the next step up toys seem to be too old for her still.  She wants to be independent and do everything on her own, but she's not big enough to do everything on her own.

Most of the time, I just feel like I'm at a loss.  Then I take her over to my grandma's house, and my grandma just seems to thrive at having Eden be this age.  My grandma knows the art of distraction and can always seem to keep Eden happy and entertained.  Same thing with a few of my friends when they play with Eden.  I've had a few of my friends just go on and on about this perfect age that Eden is at and how that was their absolute favorite age when their kids were younger.  And I'm all enthusiastic like, "Yeah, it's so much fun!!!!"  But really I'm thinking, "What the heck?  There must be something wrong with me because this isn't my favorite age!"

But here's the thing.  I still love Eden just as much.  I would still do anything, ANYTHING for her.  I am still striving to be the best mom for her that I can be.  She's my little girl, my baby.  The difference I guess is that now I have to work harder.  It takes effort whereas before, it just came natural to me.

I've realized that as moms, we all just have different areas that we are good at.  I had somebody tell me that she was terrible at the newborn stage, that she worried constantly and was a nervous wreck the first six months, but she is rocking the 18 month old stage.  I rocked that first year, but right now I'm not rocking the just-over-a-year age.  I will always do everything I can for her, but this is not a stage that comes naturally to me.  And that's okay!

We're all different as moms.  Some of us stay home, some of us work.  Some of us are good at the newborn stage, some of us are good at the 15 month old stage.  We all have our strengths, we all have our weaknesses.

So again, I ask... If we all are doing the best we can and loving our children, isn't that all that matters?

swinging this morning

My Little Broken Heart

I've been rocking Eden to sleep for almost sixteen months now.  Sometimes I had to make sure she was completely asleep before I put her into her crib, sometimes she let me put her down while she was still a little bit awake.  But even on the nights that I put her into her crib still awake, I still rocked her for a while first.  Tonight after we got done reading our bedtime stories, I started rocking her, and she started crying.  I had no idea why so I kept rocking her.  She started crying harder.  I switched positions, sang a song, nothing worked, she kept crying.  "Night-night, night-night", she kept telling me.  Finally it dawned on me what she wanted.  I put her into her crib, she immediately stopped crying and laid down to go to sleep.  This is a huge event - especially for Eden, aka the worst sleeper in the world.  The fact that my child can completely put herself to sleep is a major accomplishment.  But oh my goodness, my heart hurts.  I walked downstairs with tears in my eyes.  My baby no longer wants me to rock her at bedtime?  I'm a sad mama tonight...

swinging at the park on Saturday