I'm Just Ramblin'

Eden is three weeks and two days old, and we've managed to work ourselves into a routine during the week while Daddy is at work.  Well really it's not much of a routine.  But it works for me.  I feed her when Dustin leaves for work.  She falls right back to sleep after she eats in the mornings, and I have three hours until she wakes up and needs to eat again.  I take her downstairs and put her in her nap nanny on the kitchen counter.  And in those three hours I rush around like a mad woman trying to get everything for the day done... sweeping, cleaning, paying bills, laundry, uploading pictures of her, writing this blog post... whatever needs to be done for the day I am determined to do in those three hours.  Because after that, I am completely devoted to her for the rest of the day.  And if something doesn't get done in those three hours, so be it... I have a baby to hold!

When she's awake, I'm holding her, talking to her, playing with her...

And when she's asleep, I'm holding her.  Her afternooon naps are my favorite part of the whole day.  I lay on the couch with her asleep on my chest.  And for hours I soak it in.  The way she smells, the little noises she makes, how soft her skin is, how adorable she is when she stretches and wiggles around in her sleep.  I forget everything else in the world.  The only things that exist at 2 in the afternoon are me and her.  Because I know she won't always fit on my chest.  And I know she won't always want to lay on my chest for her afternoon naps.  And I know I will never get this time back.  That even if one day Dustin and I do have another baby, I won't have empty afternoons where I can lay on the couch for hours holding my baby.  I'll have little Eden to chase after. =)

So for now I try to take in everything that I can.

The other day I was just staring at her.  And sometimes I feel like my heart could seriously just burst because I love her so much.  Sometimes it's actually a physical pain.  And it made me realize two things.

One is just how much my mom loves me.  She even told me that the day we brought her home from the hospital.  She said, "How much you love that little girl.... That's how much I love you."  And that's amazing to me.  To have someone love you that much.  And I know Eden will never understand just how much I love her until she has a child of her own.  And then I can turn to her and say, "That's how much I love you."

And two... How much God loves me.  I think I love my daughter... but I know my little human brain and heart are just not capable of the kind of love that God can feel.  The love I feel for her is nothing compared to the love God feels for me.  Again, that's amazing to me.

What an awesome feeling.

"God is love.  He didn't need us.  But He wanted us.  And that is the most amazing thing." - Rick Warren

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39