Eden is one week old today.
I was up this morning feeding Eden, and when I crawled back in bed, I checked my phone to see what time it was. It was 4:45. And I thought about where I was at that time exactly one week earlier. We were pulling out of our driveway headed for the hospital.
And I bawled my eyes out... Laid in bed this morning and cried and cried and cried. And I just watched the time. At 5:30 I thought to myself, "We were walking through the doors of the emergency room." At 6:30 I remembered being hooked up to my IV. And on and on...
There are no words to describe this past week. I've been crying off and on all day thinking about how she is already a week old. It's just gone by so fast. And part of me wants to blame it on hormones and lack of sleep... But really I know that when that little girl was born, something happened to my heart. And I think from here on out, I'm always going to be an emotional, sentimental mess where my loved ones are concerned. :)
So here goes... I want to write about the day Eden was born while I still remember all the little details!
For the past few weeks, my doctor has been telling me that my baby would be coming practically any minute. And every week I would go back to the doctor, and she would be shocked to see me and say how she couldn't believe I was there still pregnant. So last Tuesday we went to our regular appointment, and of course she walked in the room and laughed that I had made it another week. She examined me, and at that point I was already 5 cm. dilated, 100 effaced and the baby was at zero station. And again she said she had no idea how I was still pregnant. So finally I just asked if we could do something to speed this little process along. And she said, "How about tomorrow?" Because of my gestational diabetes they were ready to get Eden here too.
So the nurse called the hospital to see if I could come in the next morning, and apparently the answer was yes because the next thing I know, we're being handed paper work and being told to get to the hospital at 5:30 the next morning. I was giddy. I couldn't stop grinning at Dustin just thinking about how after all these months of waiting... no wait... make that years of waiting in my case... I was going to meet my baby soon!
I called my mom... I called my dad... I called my brother... I called a few friends... Dustin called his parents...
The next stop was James Avery where Dustin bought me a gold heart charm with an E engraved on it. Then off to Babin's for dinner. We ate at Babin's after pretty much every single doctor's appointment we had, and it was weird sitting there thinking about how it was our last time to do that. And then to HEB to stock up on stuff so that we would have everything we needed when we got home from the hospital. On the way home from Katy, Dustin decided that he needed to buy cigars to pass out, so we made a quick stop for that.
When we got back home, Dustin headed up to his office for a little bit to get everything in order since he would obviously be out the rest of the week, and I finished packing, loaded up the car and made sure the house was all neat and clean for when we came home.
When we crawled into bed that night, I made Dustin turn off the TV, and we laid there talking about and remembering little things from the 9 years we've known each other. Eventually Dustin drifted off to sleep, but I stayed awake.
When I had called my friend, Stacy, to tell her the news, I mentioned how there was no way I would be able to sleep that night. And she told me to just lay there and feel my baby move because it would be the last time that it was just the two of us. So I laid there in the dark feeling her little kicks and jabs for the very last time.
I did manage to get a few hours of sleep, but when my alarm went off at 3 am, I was wide awake. I took a shower, fed the dogs and spent a few minutes petting them and trying to make them feel special. I continued getting ready and at about 4, I went to wake up Dustin. Now Dustin can usually get ready to go somewhere in about 5 minutes, so I thought waking him up at 4 would give him plenty of time since I wanted to leave the house no later than 4:30. But for some reason he was taking his dear, sweet little time that morning... I was completely ready to go, so I just hovered over him asking him over and over again how much longer he would be. I must have heard him say, "You staring at me is making me go slower!" a thousand times that morning. He was driving me crazy, and it was taking everything inside of me to not just start screaming at him to hurry up. But I was determined that on our last morning of just him and me, there would be no arguing or fighting so I held it in. He went upstairs to get dressed, and when he came back down he was wearing a pink shirt. And when I saw him in that pink shirt, I think I forgave him for every single thing he's ever done.
And FINALLY off we went. And I started to get nervous. Like really nervous thinking about what I was fixing to have to do! I put on my iPod and started listening to classical music to calm myself down. It worked... a teeny-tiny bit... not really. I was scared.
We got to the hospital. Through the emergency room, through the main lobby to the elevators, up to the 3rd floor and through the double doors to labor and delivery. A nurse took us to our room and gave me my hospital gown. And suddenly I was no longer nervous. I just looked around the room like this is where my baby is going to be born and that's the bed I'll be laying in when I meet my daughter. I was so happy. I put on the gown and climbed into bed. A nurse came in, I signed some forms, and then I met my two nurses that would be with me all morning... Tony and Ashlynn. I was hooked up to all the monitors and my IV, and then the waiting game began.
Dustin laid on the couch, and we played "hanging with friends" back and forth on our phones while watching ESPN. I was having contractions pretty much nonstop, but it wasn't really painful, just uncomfortable. I was actually pretty proud of how I was handling them, and I kept telling Dustin over and over how tough I was. He was watching the little monitor and thought it was fun to tell me when I was having a contraction just in case I didn't know.
At one point he mentioned how my contractions were pretty much one right after the other and maybe I should go ahead and get my epidural. But I kept telling him I was fine. I've heard horror stories about women who got their epidural too early and by the time they had to push, it had worn off. So I was determined to put mine off as long as possible.
Finally my doctor came in, and she broke my water. They asked me if I wanted the epidural now, and I was like, "Yep, that hurt really bad!" The nurse said that the contractions were going to get more intense now that my water was broken, but I still wasn't too concerned. I felt like I had been doing so well with the contractions so far that I just must be super tough or something. But about 30 seconds later, I had a contraction that caused tears to stream down my face. I think Dustin made a comment like, "So much for being tough." And then it was horrible. I couldn't have the epidural yet because they had to wait until they had put enough fluids in me. I begged Dustin to just poke a hole in the bag so that they would think it was empty and would give me the epidural. Dustin was so good to me throughout all of this... He held my hand until I begged him not to touch me anymore!
Finally the nurse announced that it was time for the epidural. The anesthesiologist came in, and they asked Dustin to step out. However, while the anesthesiologist was still setting up his stuff, I announced to the room that I was fixing to have my baby. The nurse didn't seem to believe me. She told me we would wait for them to finish administering the epidural and then we needed to wait a little while to make sure the epidural kicked in. I tried to politely tell her that was impossible. She decided to examine me, and realized hey, yeah, this girl is about to have a baby.
That's where things get a little fuzzy. I remember Dustin coming back, and the doctor and a bunch of nurses rushing in. They got me situated in bed, and next thing I know I'm being told to push. And ohhhh, the pain! It really is as bad as they say it is! Again Dustin was so sweet... I remember him rubbing my head between contractions and telling me that I could do it when I announced to the room that I couldn't push anymore. And then the doctor announced just one more time, and there she was. Born at 10:01 a.m. I saw her for a tiny second, and then they rushed her over to the baby warmer. I started to panic because she wasn't crying, and in the second that I saw her, she seemed to be gray. I said, "Is she ok?" No response. So I asked again, "IS SHE OK?" My doctor said, "She's fine", but I wasn't convinced. I looked at Dustin and said, "GO OVER THERE!" Dustin went to where Eden was and next thing you know he's taking picture after picture after picture... He looked at me, gave me a thumbs up sign, and kept taking pictures. My husband... the guy who I usually have to BEG to take a picture for me is taking a thousand pictures a minute. And giving me the thumbs up sign in between. I finally relaxed.
The nurse told me that she was fine, but her airway wasn't as clear as they wanted it to be, and that they wanted to make sure her breathing was going to be okay. She said I could hold her for a minute, but then they had to take her to the nursery. And then the nurse brought her to me...
And I can't even begin to describe how I felt when they placed her in my arms... oh, like my heart could explode. And she was so alert, just staring into my eyes. She was beautiful. And I just thought... wow... this is the heartbeat that I saw on the monitor back in June... this is the reason why I threw up for 3 months straight... this is that face that I tried to make out on all my ultrasounds... this is the thing that kicked me in the ribs for months... It was amazing. I cried and cried and cried. I looked at her and then I looked at Dustin and then I looked at her and then I looked at Dustin and then I cried some more. Because I guess that's what you do when you get everything you've ever wanted your entire life. It was overwhelming. In the most wonderful way.
The nurse announced that it was time to take her to the nursery, and she asked me to hand her to Dustin. And oh... seeing her in Dustin's arms... it was too much for my heart. And off they went to the nursery. A few days later, I asked Dustin what his favorite part of the previous two days was, and he said it was that walk to the nursery. She just stared up at him like what the heck just happened.
As soon as they left, I couldn't wait a second longer. I called my mom, and told her to come right then. I got off the phone and called my dad, and told him that she was here. I sent out a text message to all of our friends announcing that she was here. Just a few minutes later my mom and grandma arrived. With cupcakes! I had told my mom a few days earlier that when she came to the hospital, she had to bring me a strawberry cupcake from Ooh-la-la to celebrate the fact that I would no longer have gestational diabetes. She ended up bringing a dozen assorted cupcakes. My aunt arrived shortly after that, and Dustin took them to the nursery to see Eden. And I polished off TWO cupcakes while they were gone.
Tony came back, and I was wheeled to my new room. And then I just had to wait for them to bring me back my baby. It was torture! Dustin's dad arrived a little later, and Dustin took him to the nursery to show Eden off. And still I had to wait. And I was so mad that everyone else could just walk to the nursery and see her whenever they wanted, and I was stuck in bed. The nurses freaked out every time I mentioned trying to get up.
My grandma and aunt had to leave. But Dustin's mom arrived.
And then finally they brought her to me! And she was put back in my arms! And it was heaven. After a while though, I had to let other people hold her. I thought I would hate having to give her up, but I ended up loving watching my loved ones hold her. I loved watching them love her. She was special. And beautiful. And everyone loved her.
My mom had snuck in pink champagne, and we quickly (so we didn't get caught) toasted to little Eden and drank our champagne. It was perfect.
Dustin's parents left, and my mom left to get me and Dustin dinner from Johnny Carino's. My dad and Susie came. My aunt came back. My mom came back. My grandma came back. Brandi and Johnny showed up. Later Stacy came. Flowers were being delivered and brought. I was so happy. I just smiled and smiled and smiled and held my baby and smiled some more. I was getting a thousand texts a minute telling me congratulations. Stacy had brought a sign that all my kids at Faith Academy signed. The day was perfect.
But then night came, and everyone left, and it was just me, Dustin and Eden. And I was even happier than I was before if possible. Because it was just my little family. We were now three. We watched a little TV like it was the most normal thing in the world to be three. And finally we all drifted off to sleep.
My absolute favorite part of the whole day happened a few hours later though... when Eden began to cry. I leaned over and picked her up out of her bassinet and cuddled her to me. And she just stopped crying. And opened her eyes. And stared at me. And I looked at her. And I realized that it was enough for her to just be in my arms. That's all she needed. I think I cried then too.
I know I'm crying now.
It was a beautiful, perfect, special day. God blessed us all. God answered every single prayer that I prayed over the past 9 months. Life is good. God is good.
"You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint. You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled. You are my child. Now with all things I am blessed."
